Introduction

I’m lying on the couch in my apartment ignoring my Econ homework that needs to be finished before tomorrow. I was trying to do it, I really was. Then I had the urge to masturbate, and I don’t want to. But part of me really does. Hopefully this will help.

I’m a twenty-two year old college student. I have a hard time accepting everything my professors teach me unless they can back it up and it passes a logical test. I’m fascinated by Warren Buffett and the stock market. I want to become a polyglot. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A Mormon. A Christian. I believe in God.

I’ve noticed that I have a few really bad habits. I don’t always cope well with stress. I feel helpless a lot of the time. I act out in destructive ways.

I was sexually abused by my older sister. The abuse started when I was a little older than three and lasted until I was about nine. Jokes about incest make me sick with rage.

I’m addicted to pornography, masturbation, and reading fanfiction on the internet. I’ve attended 12 step programs, met with therapists, and spent a lot of time praying and studying the scriptures. I’ve come a long way, but I’m not there yet.

So, right now, I’m here. The purpose of this blog is give me a place to express my experiences with my addictions and recovery, as well as my abuse and recovery. Part of me wonders if this doesn’t make me a bit of an exhibitionist. Maybe it does.

But hopefully someone else can learn from me.